A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the saxophone and doesn't.

Death to Spam
If your in box is awash in unsolicited advertisements for mutual funds and leather knickers, read this guide to dealing with unwanted junk e-mail.

Death to Telemarketing
If you're beginning to feel that every sales-troll in the known universe knows your phone number, it's time to defend your castle against the barbarians. Learn how to banish telemarketers to the swamps from whence they arose.

Storm Gods
Visit the Alchemy Mindworks product review page. Much too obscure to be anything but objective, Storm Gods will let you share our experiences with the toys we've bought of late — and skip the real turkeys.

The Alchemy Mindworks Blog
It just wouldn't be the new millennium if we didn't have one of these. Visit the oracle of graphics, animation — and music, books, slightly naughty Victorian paintings, unspeakable capitalism, politician-bashing and enormous black dogs, among other things.

The saxophone is a large, loud and frightening instrument. If playing the stereo no longer seems adequate, it might be time to step up to some brass. Blow your own horn and drive small dogs absolutely insane.

Deficits and Deceptions
Many politicians don't tell the truth! We too were shocked when we found out. Check out this understandable discussion of economics and political number-juggling for the credulously challenged.

Cap'n Goodheart's Traveling
Cell-Phone Extravaganza

Roam the world with your mobile phone and fear not the magnitude of your bill upon returning home... well, fear it less than you used to. Learn the truth about GSM phones, unlocking the beasts and effortlessly using local networks in countries you normally couldn't find on a map without assistance.

Less Obvious Laws of the Universe
Here's how things really work after you get past the disclaimers, spin doctoring and redefinitions of the truth. Not for the easily offended unless you enjoy a good fume.

Build Banner Ads that Rock!
Visit the GIF Construction Set tutorial and learn how to build banner ads that... well, you get the idea...

Kudos and Flames
Read a selection of positive and negative comments from users of Alchemy Mindworks' software and visitors to our web pages. Admittedly, the flames are more entertaining.

I know right from wrong - wrong is the fun one.

Indecent Images
Visit a gallery of
paintings that
the Communications
Decency Act —
and many other
bodies —
would prohibit you from viewing on line.

The Great Winemaking Tax Revolt
If you feel like you're buying a round for the government every time you raise a glass of wine, it might be time to consider making your own.

Free Satellite Television — Some Assembly Required
You can enjoy “basic cable” satellite television without a monthly bill. The picture quality is awesome, the up-front costs are modest and — color us shocked! — it's totally legal.

Running Alchemy Mindworks Software Under Linux
We too were blown away when we found out that this could be done, and all without signing anything in blood. This article is a step-by-step walk-through for getting GIF Construction Set, Graphic Workshop, Pagan Daybook and most of the other Alchemy software running in the realm of the penguin.

Running Alchemy Mindworks Software on a Macintosh
Enjoy GIF Construction Set, Graphic Workshop, Pagan Daybook and most of the other Alchemy Mindworks software on a Macintosh, and never leave this universe. This easy-to-follow guide requires no incantations, unpleasant exercise or the ownership of a hybrid automobile.

A collection of best-loved fibs, misrepresentations, porkies, fictions, bamboozles, hyperboles, deceptions, falsehoods, obfuscations, calumnies, corkers, mendacities, defamations, evasions, fabrications, frauds, myths, obloquies, prevarications, subterfuges, whoppers, distortions and tall tales of the new millennium.

Reduced Attention-Span Traditional Legends
Old stories are the best stories, but they're so often long-winded and lack exciting car chases. These modern traditional legends are easy to get through, full of the usual knights, maidens and treachery and not likely to leave you wondering what a 'blanderwort' is.

Heathen Daybook
Not for the easily offended, this is a list of still more holidays, festivals and observances you might want to keep track of as an excuse to knock off work.

One Hundred More Commandments
Apprise yourself of this updated list of things not to do, lest you cause the creator of the universe to smite you for being nasty in her sight. Really... this sort of thing happens out here three or four times a week.