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I know what the speed of light is... what's the speed of dark?

This page illustrates all the current clock styles that ship with The Ultimate Screen Clock. Most of these clocks are included in multiple sizes, ranging from small and tasteful to huge and visible from space — the examples shown here tend toward largeness. Most of the digital ones have optional bezels. The Custom clock styles can have their colors, sizes and other parameters user-defined.

While they look cool here, they'll really rock when they appear on your desktop as actual working clocks.

We hasten to add, for users who prefer clocks with hands, that the styles here are listed in alphabetical order — for reasons we've yet to define, most of the analog clock styles wound up with names near the end of the alphabet. Scroll down to see them.






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Bear (analog)
Support the right to arm bears! The Bear clock is configurable, with bruins of several sizes, user-selectable clock faces and colors and everything else you need to put a savage predator in a red sweater with a clock mechanism in its chest on your desktop. No bears were harmed during the making of this clock.
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Blue Buttons (digital)
They're buttons, and, as it happens, they're blue. It took us weeks of deep contemplation and several focus groups to come up with a suitable name for this one. Available in two sizes.
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Bronze Age (digital)
Dark, ageless and as in-your-face as three hundred Spartan warriors listening to heavy metal on their iPods, the Bronze Age styles don't just tell the time — they command it. Available in four colors and two sizes.
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Candy (digital)
1200 calories, eight grams of saturated fat, five years off your life expectancy... but who really cares...
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Carbon (analog)
One of a number of styles inspired by the clocks that accompanied several iPod Nanos which have appeared about the offices of Alchemy Mindworks of late, the Carbon clock suggests dark, ineffable forces tenuously controlled by faltering technology, about to release themselves upon an unsuspecting populace... as soon as someone comes up with sufficiently cool packaging.
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Century (digital)
The Century custom clock style is sophisticated, understated, elegant, businesslike and professional... unless you configure it to use the Blood of Dracula font, in which case it will get very weird, very quickly.
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Clouds (digital)
Ethereal, aviatorial, unfettered, the bane of Mondays on six continents.
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Cockpit (analog)
It could be an instrument from the cockpit of a particularly upmarket stealth business jet, or it could have been removed from a crashed fighter based on alien propulsion technology. Needless to say, we favor the latter explanation.
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Cymbal (analog)
One of a number of styles inspired by the clocks that accompanied several iPod Nanos which have appeared about the offices of Alchemy Mindworks of late, the Cymbal clock is bright, loud, unmistakable and certain to keep you awake until three in the morning.
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Derelict (analog and digital)
Technology left behind by a vanished civilization, a faint echo of a forgotten epoch, a dystopian harbinger of a crumbling empire or a rusty old clock with funky neon tubes... your call. Comes in three styles.
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Dragon Skin (digital, animated)
With its constantly undulating characters, Dragon Skin suggests serious substance abuse or way too much artificial sweetener.
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Electric Winter (digital)
Cold, sharp, the breath of a winter's morning, car stuck in a snowdrift so deep it'll be spring before it sees daylight again.
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Empire (analog)
Refined, dignified — we'd call it "timeless," but it'd be a contradiction in terms — this is the clock to have on your desktop right beside the PostIt® note that says "corner offices are for losers." Comes in two sizes.
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Etched (digital)
Channeling the craftsmanship and design of a bygone epoch... when they used to make digital clocks painstakingly by hand, trust us... this style looks like flawless metal plates with digits etched in low relief. It comes in two sizes and four color options.
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Example (digital)
This is a simple example clock style that's included in its source form, for users of The Ultimate Screen Clock who consider themselves sufficiently valiant as to create styles of their own. An analog example is also included.
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Flags (analog)
The Flags style is a custom clock that will display your choice of flags around its face. You can add your own flag — or any other graphic — should you find your homeland not suitably represented. Not all the available flags are shown to the left, and it would be unwise to read anything significant into the selection of countries represented here.
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Flip (digital)
A peripatetic time-traveler from the forgotten epochs of electro-mechanical everything, the Flip clock style fondly recalls ostensibly digital clocks that operated by repeatedly dropping metal vanes with numbers painted on them. You have to wonder who thought this stuff up. Available in three sizes – we recommend standing well back from your monitor if you select the large one.
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Florescent Panel (digital)
The display of choice for late twentieth-century video tape recorders, this one would be really authentic if were continually flashing 88:88:88 AM, a sure sign that its owner had yet to figure out how to program the damned thing. As it is, it tells the correct time, something of a rarity.
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Fold Down Black (digital transition)
This transition clock style has animated digits that fold away, reminiscent of the mechanical clocks that appeared in airports back when 747s were still powered by steam. Available in two sizes, with and without a bezel.
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Fold Down White (digital transition)
This transition clock style also has animated digits that fold away, and if you're having some difficulty with the idea of steam-powered jumbo jets, you might be more comfortable imagining one of the circa-1984 alarm clocks that invariably seized up at 2:23AM and provided a wholly inadequate excuse for punching in late at work. Available in two sizes, with and without a bezel.
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Font (digital)
The Font clock style is user-definable — you can choose any font you like, in any size, with any selection of colors that don't make your eyes catch fire.
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Gare du Nord (analog)
It's a safe bet that French railway stations don't use distressed nineteeth-century mechanical clocks any longer, but if you've seen the past and found that it works, you can. This clock could tell you the time in languages other than French, but being French, it won't.
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Gothic (digital)
The Gothic clock style is reminiscent of medieval art and architecture... as opposed to the large and largely unwashed Germanic peoples who flattened Rome.
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Green Laser (digital)
Warning: This is a class III laser product <= 5mW 532 nm radiation, avoid contact with eyes, not intended for use in exercising your cat.
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Halftone (digital)
For everyone who recalls the smell of the ink, the thunder of the presses and the screaming of the pressmen when the whole rattling monstrosity went pear-shaped, and there was shredded newsprint absolutely everywhere. Available in two sizes, with and without a bezel.
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Hot Metal (digital)
Return to the glory days of mechanical typesetting, when literature smelled distinctly of molten lead.
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Icon (analog)
This clock is actually The Ultimate Screen Clock's desktop icon, somewhat larger than it usually appears, with functional hands.
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Indigo (analog)
Blue... the color of jeans, jazz, still water, late evenings, Canadian five-dollar bills that are worth about $1.25 on a good day.
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Industrial Accident (digital)
Hardhats to be worn at all times.
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Inferno (digital, animated)
The conflagrating digits of this clock actually burn in real time, suggesting the end of civilization as we know it or a whole lot of charred burgers.
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Intaglio (digital)
An echo of the graphic arts of epochs long faded to dust, when hard copy involved seriously heavy lifting. Available in three sizes — medium, large and really, really huge.
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Interstellar (digital)
Available in four colors and three sizes — the Huge size might require a galaxy of its own — the Interstellar style suggests the technology of a forgotten civilization from beyond the stars. If you gaze into the night sky, you might even see one of their ships come to take it back.
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Ion Drive (digital, animated)
Pulsating, throbbing with mysterious forces and likely to hypnotize the unwary, the Ion Drive digital clock style comes in eight colors and three sizes. This clock will work if you find yourself orbiting an exo-planet, but we doubt it will keep the correct time.
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Jade (analog)
The timeless mysteries of the East or cheap jewelry from China... it's all in the packaging.
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LED (digital)
Small, simple, classic... one might suggest it's timeless if if wasn't, you know, actually a clock. Comes in five colors.
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London (analog)
This distressed Edwardian artifact of a bygone era harkens back to a day when any clock accurate to within a quarter of an hour was high technology.
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Mariner (digital)
The Mariner style is a digital clock... mostly. It looks like a panel instrument from a state-of-the-art yacht, personal submarine, transcontinental racing sloop or a really nice raft. You can configure it to suit your taste and level of imagination, with a variety of color palettes, either of two sizes and optional glare.
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Mirage (analog)
Stark, technological and vaguely threatening, the Mirage style is available in two sizes, with and without a bezel. It doesn't include a "right click to nuke the invading aliens from orbit" function as yet, but we're working on one.
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Mission Control (analog)
The perfect timepiece for launching a space shuttle, if you can sneak one out of its museum.
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Orbit (analog)
Precise, silent, accurate to the millisecond, perfectly round to seven decimal places, powered by two cheap alkaline batteries swiped from an old TV remote.
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Nautilus (analog)
Plunge beneath the waves in an improbable Victorian submarine driven by a crazy old guy with brain problems... or just watch the clock on your desktop and enjoy being a landlubber.
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Neural Network (digital, animated)
Surf the data, become entangled with the logic, try to stop watching it before hypnosis sets in. Comes in three sizes and lots of colors. The Huge styles, available in the downloadable extra clock style library, are breathtaking. The example clock to your right illustrates the style with its date and seconds suppressed, to allow for larger digits — you'll see the whole clock on your system.
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Nitro (analog)
One of a number of styles inspired by the clocks that accompanied several iPod Nanos which have appeared about the offices of Alchemy Mindworks of late, the Nitro analog chronometer evinces the thrill of automobile racing... or just driving too fast 'coz you know there isn't a cop for miles. We hasten to add, for the benefit of anyone from the bomb squad, that the name of this style refers to Nitromethane, wot makes cars go fast, rather than Nitroglycerin, the component of dynamite that blows stuff up.
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Orchid (analog)
An elegant, simple analog clock style with a secretly vulgar name... admittedly, only if you speak Greek.
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Pilot's Watch (analog)
Inspired by a venerable Bell & Ross watch Steve's been wearing since the dawn of time, this one looks like it calls for a three-day seminar to understand all its dials.
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Plastic (digital)
Just like real plastic, it's available in several sizes and colors. Unlike real plastic, you can't max it out.
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Pirate's Treasure (digital)
The color of doubloons glinting in the sun... argh me hearties... shiver me timbers... mangle me pronouns...
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Quark (digital, animated)
Colorful and likely to cause mild personality disorders if you stare at it long enough, the Quark style features rotating color fountains to fill its digits. It's available in two sizes — the Large size may not be suitable for systems with slower processors or restricted resources. For the benefit of any intellectual-property lawyers who happen upon this page, we'd like to point out that in this context, "quark" refers to an elementary particle that forms the basis of hadrons, such as protons and neutrons... not the alien bartender character in Star Trek.
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Quark Outline (digital, animated)
A darker and more sinister cousin of the Quark style above, Quark Outline suggests the hypnotic properties of the original without the immediate likelihood of everyone who sees it barking like a chicken.
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Reflection White (digital)
A simple, shiny digital clock, and the first thing you'll see when you run The Ultimate Screen Clock for the first time.
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Regulator (analog)
A timeless railroad clock from the glory days of steam. Fire up one of those belching monsters today and the EPA would have you shot.
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Ringer (analog)
The dreaded mechanical alarm clock of legend, loathed by somnolent commuters on five continents, hurled against innumerable walls for over a century, probably scheduled to be made illegal in most mid-western states. This clock style comes in three sizes and seven colors, and unlike a real alarm clock, it has guaranteed non-functional bells. The little swine doesn’t even tick.
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Samhain (digital)
A clock for the dark times of the year, when the spirits of the next world are all but upon you... typically shouting "trick or treat" and stoned on high-fructose corn syrup.
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Shadow (digital)
The clock that isn't really there, you can only see the shadow it casts. Available in two sizes and two extreme colors.
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Skeleton (analog)
The Skeleton analog clock style is a custom clock — you can configure it to use whatever face size and color scheme you're willing to look at.
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Skeleton (digital)
The Skeleton digital clock style is a custom clock — you can configure it to use whatever font, type size and color scheme you're willing to look at. Try to avoid the Comic Sans font if at all possible.
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Soviet Submarine Clock (analog)
Harken back to the dark days of the evil empire... or to one too many hunts for Red October on video tape. Legend has it that cold-war era Soviet nuclear submarines kept time with spring-wound mechanical clocks like this one. They were made by the Vostok Watch Company, which still exists today... perhaps not surprisingly, making watches.
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Specter (digital)
The Specter style is a custom digital clock that will display a mildly spooky, ill-defined clock possibly from an alternate plane of existence / parallel reality / altered consciousness or other destination not usually favored by tourists. You can choose a font, a color palette and a degree of hauntedness to suit your mood.
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Sphere (digital)
The meme of ball bearings; recently-discovered Earth-like planets having eleven times our gravity; state-run lotteries with less chance of winning more than five dollars than most radishes have of playing Mozart; impossible pool shots made none the less and attempts by local governments to legislate the value of Π to a nice round 3. Comes in three colors and approximately 3.14159265358979 sizes.
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Stamp (analog)
Classically minimalist, this is the perfect clock if your digs have white walls, white floors, no wall art and three pieces of black-ash furniture.
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Steampunk (analog)
Return to the age of Victoria, an empire upon which the sun never set, brass everything, mechanical technology and of course, steam. Available in two sizes, attitude is not optional.
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Steampunk (digital)
In an earlier century, this state-of-the-art timepiece would have required a room full of gears, two full-time engineers and a substantial coal-fired boiler to keep it running. In this one, all it takes is a few thousand pixels and a computer. O brave new world, that has such software in't... no, wait, that's another century entirely.
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Stopwatch (analog)
Okay, so it's not really a stopwatch... but it wants to be. This style was inspired by the mechanical timepieces of a vanished epoch that measured events down to a tenth of a second — operated by fingers that were nowhere near that accurate.
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Sunrise (digital)
Bright, cheerful and as uplifting as a two million mile-wide ancient fusion reactor, this clock style is available with and without the rounded ends shown here.
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Synthesizer (digital)
Tiny, difficult to read but impervious to a tsunami of spilled beer, this clock style fondly recalls early electronic keyboard instruments that looked like pianos and sounded like a malfunctioning air-conditioner.
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Temporal Flux (analog)
One of a number of styles inspired by the clocks that accompanied several iPod Nanos which have appeared about the offices of Alchemy Mindworks of late, the Temporal Flux clock is ideal for use on computers that have become unstuck in time; are within shouting distance of a supercollider that's likely to damage the fabric of space; or find themselves anywhere near a black hole. Please note that Alchemy Mindworks will not be responsible for users of The Ultimate Screen Clock who are compressed into quantum singularities.
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Tenor Sax (analog)
A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the saxophone... and doesn't. This clock is less likely to find your immediate family discretely placing hand grenades in your sock drawer.
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Timetable (digital)
Recalling an earlier epoch of refined travel, wherein your immediate future was not wholly governed by a flat-panel video monitor nailed to the ceiling of an airport. Comes in two sizes and four colors.
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Titanium (analog)
An intricate analog clock style inspired partially by a seriously cool Bell & Ross watch, and partially by some vintage aircraft instruments that were hanging around. Comes in two degrees of sinister.
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Tubes (digital)
Impeccably-rendered digital readout vacuum tubes from the mists of time, in three sizes, with and without a bezel. We've seen the past and it works... at least, it does until it blows a tube.
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Umbra (analog)
Slightly spooky, avant-something, art deco, steel-moderne, neo-whatever and unlike every other clock style in the box.
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Unplugged TV (digital transition)
While it's not doing much as a still web page graphic, select this style in The Ultimate Screen Clock and its digits will vanish into each other like an old vacuum-tube television set when someone tripped over its power cord... which no doubt goes a long way toward explaining its name. Available in two sizes, with and without the retro TV bezel illustrated here.
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Vapor Lock (digital, animated)
Clouds of substances that could easily expode the heads of nearby environmentalists just by speaking their names aloud rise through the digits of this clock style, endangering civilization as we know it. It's available in two sizes — the Large size may not be suitable for systems with slower processors or restricted resources.
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Verdigris (analog)
Named after the patina of copper sulfate that forms on exposed copper, brass and bronze... this clock sounds a lot cooler if you forget high-school chemistry.
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Village (analog)
Could be a clock, could be the mother of all hyper-expensive designer watches. Web pages offer so little sense of scale....